Published: October 08, 2008 05:58 pm            

Allow children to play a role in celebrations

Balloons, friends, presents, and cake — it’s just hard to beat a birthday for a good time. Our children love birthdays so much they are willing to have five or six a year just to enjoy the fun all over again. (The parental units of the house like birthdays, but we’re still trying to figure out how to have fewer, not more.) Yet, as exciting as their own birthdays are, children also enjoy making birthdays special for others, which provides a great opportunity for parents. Including our children in making birthdays special for others teaches lessons of active caring at a time when they are already enthusiastic and focused.

It’s best to include younger children on decorations and creating their own cards. For my dad’s 70th birthday we held a surprise party at an inn. Our young children were most excited about decorating Grandpa’s room for his arrival, so we let them plan, choose, and hang all the decorations. Sure, most were only three feet off the ground but Grandpa was thrilled they had taken the effort, and his excitement thrilled them.

Making cards gives younger children a chance to show off their artistic talent as they offer blessings to the guest of honor. They love seeing others enjoy their handiwork, and this can get them excited about celebrating with even the most distant relatives. (An added benefit is that parents can glean great insight on what makes their children feel special by taking note of what their children write to make others feel special.) No matter how they help, including young children in the parts of the celebration instills a focus on others while also ensuring better behavior throughout the celebration because they have a stake in making the day special.

Older children generally have a keen appreciation for the details of celebrations plus the ability and desire to get everything done. Whether they are helping plan and prepare the food, decorations, activities or gifts, they bring a creativity and enthusiasm that energizes everyone. As they bring their skills into the mix, they make the celebration better in ways we would never consider. This makes the day more special for the birthday honoree and affirms our children in their own special talents. One year, I took our oldest daughter on a shopping trip for her birthday. Several delays meant that by the time we reached home and I cooked the birthday meal, we would begin the party around 10 o’clock at night. Not an option. So, I called my younger daughter, explained the complicated meal and asked if she could do it. By the time we got home, a feast was on the table and the house looked like a party palace. Not only did our older daughter have a great birthday, our younger daughter had the thrill of knowing she could make the day special for her sister in grand style.

Celebrations also help our children mature through gift-giving. As they get older, children genuinely want to get gifts that hit the mark. Thus, it’s worth taking a little time to go to the store with our children and help them sort through questions such as: what does she talk about, where does she spend her time, or what are her future plans? This helps our child learn how to choose a gift that reflects their consideration for others. When they experience the thrill of seeing someone’s eyes light up over their gift, they take another step in learning the important lesson that caring for others brings joy to them.

It’s hard to beat birthdays for fun — whether it’s your own or someone else’s. This fun creates a great opportunity to teach our children to care for others in a context that’s enjoyable to them.

Tess Worrell is the mother of eight and teaches parenting and marriage. E-mail her at tess@family-matters. us.

        

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