Published: October 14, 2009 09:45 am      

Flying dogs, biting kids and lame apologies

I wasn’t born yesterday. And while I know we, as a society, “don’t live in Kansas anymore,” some things still surprise me.

Take for instance, a report last week from Dayton, Ohio, of a child biting his teacher. This was no ordinary, playground bite. The kid chomped into the flesh of the teacher’s arm like a bench vise. According to the report, the assistant principal had to pry the child’s mouth open to get him to let go. The teacher and the child were taken to local hospitals: the teacher treated for the bite, and the child admitted for psychological examination.

Thank goodness.

The same day, I read about a woman in Lincoln, Neb., who threw a dog at police officers, after they were called to her home on reports of domestic violence. Prophetically named for his flying debut, Flash landed, unharmed, in the arms of one of Lincoln’s finest, who subsequently arrested the woman on “suspicion of domestic assault.”

But the headline that really caught my attention was David Letterman’s admission to sexual affairs with co-workers. Admittedly, I can’t stay up late enough to watch Letterman’s show. (I’m too worn out from teaching my kids not to bite.) However, three days of news reports on Letterman’s flings leave me disgusted and unamused.

Audiences, however, seem to be enjoying the scandal, if the show’s record ratings are indicative. And Letterman seems anything but contrite, as references to his wisecracks and self-deprecating humor clutter internet news sources. Variety described Letterman as “rueful,” (really?) when he said, “Let me tell you folks, I got my work cut out for me.”

Ya think?

Also disturbing was late-night personality Craig Ferguson’s response: “If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out,” said Ferguson. “I'm gone.”

What “accountability” is Ferguson talking about? Can we be honest for a moment and admit no one holds anyone accountable for anything anymore? Gone are the days of “Footloose” and “Dirty Dancing,” where parents and friends actually dared to meddle in the lives of people they cared about … who dared step in front of the trains they saw heading toward personal disaster.

Nowadays, if folks do speak up, they’re ostracized or accused of prejudice, ruining reputations or being plain old narks.

Whether we think so or not, our behavior — not just politicians or clergymen who clearly aren’t above scandal, either — impacts everyone. Just last week, I heard from several parents whose teens attended homecoming dances replete with public pawing and groping. Even the teens complained about inattentive and sometimes absent chaperones.

I can’t tell if public figures are a microcosm of our neighborhoods, or if our neighborhoods are a microcosm of public figures.

On one of Letterman’s recent shows, Steve Martin said to him, “It proves that you’re a human being. And we weren’t really that sure before.”

If tolerating lewd behavior and making light of crushing indiscretion define “being human,” I’d like to find Flash up in Nebraska. Together, we could fling ourselves at these appalling new standards of behavior and amusement.

Sadly, I don’t think we’d land on our feet.

Amy Sorrells is a Zionsville resident and writer working on her first book. E-mail Amy at aksorrells@gmail.com.